Well, this week brought some news out into the light that my followers have been sure to alert me to. 

Guys, if anything happens in the news that pertains to any of the previous cast of “Sons of Guns”, I know. You don’t have to message me to inform me. That being said I do appreciate the concern that arose from the realization most people came to. I am over whelmed by your love and support.

In case you actually did NOT hear the news, my ex husband Kris Ford was arrested last week on charges of domestic battery. I understand he will be standing before a judge tomorrow and will face his ex-girlfriend's evidence against him. After reading the information that was given, it is possible that Ford will lose his rights to continue business as an arms dealer or owner.

First, I guess let's talk about the case a bit. The victim did something that I rarely see in these types of cases, and regardless of my personal proximity to the case I would still like to cover this. She got real evidence. As you all know most Domestic battery cases are dropped or thrown out for a lack of evidence, and believe it or not, marks on your body are not always considered hard evidence. Unfortunately, in most cases, when you are in a relationship with someone who is being abusive you don’t always have the opportunities that this brave woman was able to utilize.

What this woman did differently than most was make a real plan. She placed cameras and made sure she got the footage before the cameras were subsequently destroyed. She kept her phone out of her hand, but her recorder on. She made sure that when she called the cops, she had proof to show them true violence. She painted the picture in red, and was left undeniable when requesting a protection order. She had a plan to stay in a safe location while her life got resorted, because THAT is a huge part of the “After”; restarting, that in itself is enough to scare many women into staying far longer than they should. For me personally, I will no longer stand for a raised hand, much less a hit. I don’t care how much I love someone anymore, I love me most. Unfortunately, I know too well that it is very hard & sometimes impossible, to get the evidence this woman did. Abusers often are wary of cameras, they break phones during fights, and they keep you away from people until you have healed when you are wounded. They drain your finances, and will often even render you without transportation. They need to have complete control. If you have ever wondered, “Why doesn’t she just leave and call the cops?” That's why. 

Put yourself in this position. You have kids. You have no money, you have alienated your family, they don’t trust you because he has had you hyped up on drugs for years now. He is loved by your family, and puts on a perfect show of "Just wanting to get you the help you need", he's looked as the "best guy you ever had". You, you have no car, because you can't keep a car without a job and jobs don’t look too highly on being beaten down, late and unavailable regularly. You are terrified that you may actually be killed in the next battle. You want to run, but without evidence, and support, where do you go? How do you feed your kids? Keep them from being taken away and you labeled a “Bad mother”? Call the cops? You know you should, that you need to establish a pattern for the protection order but when you do, you know what will happen.  They will take notes, make a report, and that's that. Maybe they will ask him to leave for the night. If he is acting “normal “ when the cops arrive (Which he will be in any case I've seen personally) not much happens, you get scared because now you just want to calm down your abuser, make the abuser feel safe... you agree it was just a “Small fight” and they leave. You are punished for “Causing them to show up” or they flip, turn into the "Nice one" again, to show you how irrational you are being. Classic gaslighting techniques, and they work, sadly. 

Following me still, sound familiar to any of you?

What happens if you just run and call the cops, and they do nothing? What if he finds out and hunts you down? Did you know that in some places you can’t even get a restraining order without video evidence or multiple offenses? That means he has to physically hurt you enough to leave marks at least 3 times before it's taken seriously. Getting the picture yet? The laws on the books do not protect the victim. They protect the abuser. In the beginning at least, UNLESS, you do what this woman did. She was able to gather footage from a security camera, the camera had audio. She gathered medical reports, and recorded voice transmissions when possible. She was very careful and very quick. She also almost died. Tomorrow I guess we will see if all of that was even enough. I just pray she holds strong, for women everywhere. 

If this all sounds kind of…. I don’t know... mechanical? I assure you there is a reason. I simply am not allowed to really speak on this case in the way I normally would, or to show the anger I have, because this case is very close to me. As a “public figure” you have a larger responsibility to your words. Words are power. I understand that. Another reason is that the case isn’t about me at all. Strange how that works huh, something that has nothing to do with you can have such an impact on your life? It really isn’t though, it's about this young, beautiful mother, who had her life ripped apart but had the strength and the forethought to do things the best way possible to ensure she got justice. I can’t really elaborate any more on this particular case at the moment, but I will say that I stand in full support of the victim, and all women like her who are fighting to survive everyday, and paint on beautiful smiles to cover their wounds. I hope she, and all of the victims of abuse, regardless of gender, receive the justice they deserve.

Find your way to unlock that cage. Find a safe place, hide money away, but be careful, have a “Go” plan. A plan to just hop in the car and go, if you are lucky enough to have a car. Whatever tools you have, use them. Read up on self defense, at the very least. There are also a lot of programs out there to help women in these positions, they will pick you up and bring you to an undisclosed location to keep you safe. If you need information just ask! Ask me, ask a member of this group, look into the 911 resources on this page (STAR is a great one) and use any of those, just please…..please just don’t give up.

There is more to this last week that I do want to share with you but at the moment, I need to step back and breathe. This was a harder one to write than it should’ve been. Seeing it all, well, I’m sure you can imagine it’s at the least, emotional. I will be doing a follow up on this story after the judge makes his ruling. We will be going interviewing the victim and talking more about ways you can free yourself from these types of situations. Until then...

Take care of yourselves, hug your loved ones, and help someone else.

XOXO,

Stephanie Marie

For the original link to the arrest story- Click here